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It's a cracker at Christmas... 23.12.12

THE late Irish comic Frank Carson used to quip 'it's a cracker' when chuffed with one of his own jokes.
But as the big day approaches, be prepared for gags of the more groan-inducing variety around Donegal tables on Tuesday courtesy of our festive favourite - the Christmas cracker.
Whether they've cost you a day's wage or you've grabbed them at the last minute from the euro shop, one thing's for sure - the jokes in your Christmas cracker will be as lame as the duck that finishes its meal with 'cheese and quackers'. You will need a couple of the painkillers you can't find in the jungle because 'the parrotseatemall'. And you'll want to leave the table as fast as the fastest fish in the sea, erm, 'the motorpike'!
Given that we're knee-deep in recession and we're in mending and making do mode, why not create your own crackers - adding your own makey-uppy recession jokes while you're at it? So as your paper hats slip down to blind you between the brussel sprouts and the 'plump' pudding, here is a selection to get the party started:

1. What's a vampire's favourite song?
A: Auld Fangs Syne

2. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: A doyouthinkhesawus

3. What’s furry and minty?
A: A polo bear.

4. What did the coral do on January 1?
A: Turned over a new reef.

5. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.

Meanwhile, courtesy of postings on the techkings.org website (with a few editorial tweaks) here are some recession gags you might want to model your own homemade cracker jokes on:

6. The Irish Government will save even more next year - it's switching off the light at the end of the tunnel.

7. The Americans have Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder. We have Enda Kenny, No Cash, No Hope and No Wonder!

8. What is Ireland's favourite breakfast cereal?
A: Credit Crunch

9. The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet - the car's been repossessed.

10. I went to the ATM. It said there were insufficient funds. I don't know if it's me or the bank.
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